


Coming Home

by GaiaSilvermist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Demons, Dreams, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaSilvermist/pseuds/GaiaSilvermist
Summary: "He is a demon child", "He talks to that crow!", "His eyes are so cold I swear he has split pupils!".Is all Xiaojun hears everyday. That's fine he's immune to the name calling and every nasty words orphanage's children threw at him. It doesn't matter, tomorrow he will be free.Sure he will miss the sisters who take care of him since he's a baby, but Xiaojun can't wait to see the bigger world once he turns 18.What he doesn't expect is, the morning of his 18th birthday, a man knocked on orphanage's door asking for him. Said he's Xiaojun's father.And what's with the fear on the sisters' eyes?
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 13
Kudos: 80
Collections: Weishen Fest: ANYTHING BUT HUMAN





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I iust want to recommend my playlist while creating this fic. These songs really helps me and I guess listening to these songs while reading this will add some "feels'" 
> 
> Coming Home - NCT U  
> I'll Be There - Zhoumi, Kun and XiaoJun  
> Put It Straight - (G)-Idle • Queendom - Box of Pandora  
> Oh My God - (G)- Idle

Every kid in this old mansion said that he is a demon child, he is an orphan, they don't know who is his parents neither him, so why are they sure that he is a child of a demon. 

They said he has split pupils. Dejun can't even imagine what to have split pupil because even if he looked at the mirror all day he can't see his pupils split.

They said he talks to a crow. He can't even comprehend why talking to a crow, to an animal, is a demonic thing. Dejun doesn't even talk to the crow, he just stares at the crow who doesn't leave his window. 

The crow, all Dejun can remember is that crow is always at his window since he was a child, even the sisters there told him that the crow started to hang out in the window the moment they accepted Dejun into this foster mansion. 

Why that crow never leaves his window is really a mystery for Dejun, it doesn’t even drink nor eat. 

Dejun thinks that the crow will follow him even when he leaves this mansion. Dejun will turn eighteen tomorrow and he is more than excited to leave this mansion. Everything outside this house thrilled him and he has a lot of questions about everything. 

Are there many flower fields outside? Can he finally see a dog, like those in books? How does it feel to go to school, to the library or drink a coffee at a fancy cafe? How does it feel to meet people that you can call a friend? How does it feel to meet someone that you will love? Is everything he read true? 

Reading is the only thing that made Dejun happy in this mansion. Everyone there hated and feared Dejun, but he doesn't even know why. Except for the sister who takes care of him, no one talks to him. He is thankful that the sisters bring him one book every week. 

And one of the things that he questions is where the money is coming from? All the books Dejun received were all brand new when they gave it to him and his books come every week without fail. Maybe there is someone out there who cares and loves him enough. 

That's the reason why Dejun loves his books. They fill his mind about all the amazing things outside and make him feel that he is loved. He doesn't have friends, but it feels like he has company when he reads a book.

Dejun wants tomorrow to come soon so he can witness what his books have said.

"Tomorrow will be the day! Will you come to my birthday?" Dejun said to the crow that he has been staring at.

*･☪·̩͙

_"Please. Don't take them away from me. Spare the life of my child. It's all my fault. I had sin. My child doesn't even know what we did. I'm begging you… please spare my child!"_

_Said a man who is kneeling in front of a white figure. Dejun can't see its face nor what he was wearing because the light around him blinds him._

_He looked at the man who is crying. His heart aches to see the man cry and beg. He wanted to help him but he couldn’t even move, he stays rooted to his place, and all he can do is watch and stare._

_"I trusted you. You promised me that when I allow all the demons to live here_ _on earth they_ _won't disobey you. They defy all the rules you created. I let you handle them because I trusted you. I only gave one rule but you were the first one who disobeyed it." The blinding figure said with a calm voice, but there is a note of dominance and anger in it._

_"I know. I admit the sin that I commit-"_

_"But you didn't regret it. Taking them away from you is a sign that you did regret it but here you are, kneeling in front of me to spare a demon life again. I won't grant your wish this time. Instead, you must take all the punishment that I will give…"_

_"Please just my child…"_

*･☪·̩͙

"Xiao DeJun! Come down here! It's your birthday!" 

An excited voice wakes up Dejun from the tragic dream. Darkness and the smell of a new book welcome him. A book covering his face.

He was reading the new book he received on his birthday. It was a strange book. Dejun usually received romantic and fantasy books, yet this book talks about forbidden love of a God and demon. It is tragic, Dejun felt the weight of it to the point of dreaming it. The pain was real and it affected him until now. 

He takes a deep sigh, "It's just a story. It's just a dream. It's your day today. Finally, you can go outside. Stand up now and treasure this day." 

He looked for the crow but it surprised him that it's not there. 

"Did that crow leave me on my birthday? Traitor." 

Dejun is disappointed but he misses the presence of the crow, that crow is the only company he has. It's special to him. 

Nevertheless, Dejun went straight to the bathroom, dressed up and went down with enthusiasm. 

"Sister! I'm here! Where is my cake?" 

"E-everyone… go to their respective rooms now. Do not come out unless we say so." The head sister said with a shaky voice. 

She was holding a cake in front of the door. Dejun eyes narrowed, curious about what is happening. Why did the head sister order all the kids inside their room? It barely happens, only when there is a special guest. 

"What is-" He was about to ask when a knock was heard.

"Hello? I've been knocking, I don’t expect you guys to welcome me nor let me enter this orphanage. Just open the door and let me have that child." A man said behind the door. 

"You don't have a child here. We examined every child we accept here and there is none like you here." The sister said, holding the doorknob tightly, clear that she won't let the man enter. 

But why? Dejun questioned. What does she mean like him? What is he? 

"I do. I left him here and I have been keeping an eye on him for years and I know it's his 18th birthday already… I need to take him now!" 

Dejun eyes went wide at what he heard. He is the only person in this place whose birthday is today. That man behind that door claimed that Dejun was his child.

The sister looked at him with shock and fear.

"Do you know him? It is true? Is he-" Dejun's word was cut off again when the door lit up.

There is a fire in the middle of the door and a fine-looking man entered through the burning door. The man's eyes were cold and red. He had raven hair and a crow on his shoulder. 

Those bloody eyes roamed the whole place and when they landed on him, Dejun felt an indescribable hot air touch his skin and it made his heart beat faster. He can feel that his knees are shaking but did his best to take a step backwards. 

"A coward. How come you are my child?" The man said to Dejun while taking a step towards him.

His foot hit the first step on the stair and Dejun stumbled. 

"Stand up." 

The voice was filled with authority and it threatened Dejun, it made him stand up quickly and whispered 'yes' out of fear.

"You are coming with me. You don't have a choice. If you insist on saying no I will burn this whole mansion down, with you in it." 

"I understand," Dejun answered, stuttering.

"Good. I will be waiting outside. I will give you the time to say thank you on whoever people you want to give credit and take some things. After that come outside quickly." 

The man disappeared from his sight and Dejun fell down again, still shaking. 

"Who is he?" Dejun asked, staring at the floor, hugging his knees.

"He is… Yongqin. He is one of the famous demons that are living on earth."

This day was supposed to be a happy day. Dejun was supposed to be out there exploring the world, finding the answers to his questions but here he is, inside the car of a demon who claimed to be his father.

Everything happened in a blink of an eye. He woke up and now he is a son of a demon and they are on the way to his house. 

Dejun still can't comprehend what one of the sisters told him before he left the mansion. 

The person sitting beside the driver seat is one of the famous demons that the sisters mentioned. His father was known for the killing of innumerable people and some of the Gods and Goddesses here on earth. That's why every sister or person who saw him feared him. The sisters also told him that his father is the last demon who can live on earth.

His father disobeyed the only rule from above that banned the access of demons to earth. Demons were not allowed to enter earth unless they were granted permission before the ban.

Dejun, the curious person— or demon— he is, wondered what the reason behind the killing was. What sin did his father commit, and why did he leave Dejun at the orphanage but was now taking him with him?

The head sister likes Dejun a lot because he was a good and obedient child from the moment they took him in. He smiles a lot when the sisters praised him for his good deeds and not starting fights even when other children mocking him. Dejun is a good kid and that reflects how his parents are. The head sister might fear his father nevertheless she said that his father used to be that demon who lives quietly and human-like until that happened.

What really happened? 

"It seems like the sisters liked you a lot. They even cried when you left." His father said, not looking at him.

"I'm a good kid, that's why," Dejun answered, keeping his eyes on the dark forest that they are entering.

"I see. You are supposed to be a good one since your father is really kind. A perfect thing." 

"You? Are you talking about yourself?" Dejun said sarcastically. 

"Of course not. Your other father. You came from me and from him." His father explained. 

"Him? Am I about to meet my other parent?" He asked. 

"Not now but soon. You see, I took you because you had the ability to recognize him. I've been finding him and you are the only way for me to see him again." 

"What do you mean?" 

"That very old thing above who rules everything that exists took him away from me because you lived. He and I are being punished because you exist and now that you are of age, you can be useful to us. You can finally have a reason to live."

There was anger behind those words and the words 'because you live' and 'because you exist' were emphasized. It made Dejun feel unwanted.

His father said it to him as if it's nothing as if he doesn't care about his feelings. How can he blame him of what happened that he doesn't even know and how come his own father told him that he is just useful because what he can do, he said it as if he is not his son, he said it as if he is just here like a tool, a thing that he will use to find someone. 

Dejun was supposed to be wandering, enjoying the world but because of his own father he is being trapped again and he is being used.

He can't do anything but sigh. He opened his eyes and looked outside again but his eyes twinkled when he saw a crow following their car.

"Maybe you did not leave. Sorry for calling you a traitor." Dejun said, smiling and not taking away his eyes from the familiar animal. 

*･☪·̩͙

_It's him again but he looked_ _peaceful right_ _now. Dejun looked at the man behind the counter of a shop on the other side of the road._

_Like in his previous dream, Dejun can't move and he stayed rooted in his place._

_Dejun doesn't know why he is seeing this man again, but he is happy to him that way. He keeps his eyes on the man and he realized that the man has a flower crown on his head._

_"Ain't he cute? The flower crown suits his soft features, his milky skin, his eyes that twinkle and I bet his natural brown hair is soft."_

_A figure entered the shop and the man behind the counter greeted him with a soft smile._

_A confused look took over Dejun's face when the other offered his hand as if he is inviting the man behind the counter._

_The man is now crying but he just stared at the hand that was being offered to him. Dejun's heart ached again when he saw the man crying again._

_"No. Not again. Don't take away his smile." Dejun whispered._

_His heart beats faster and he doesn't know why he is nervous when the man was about to take the hand that was being offered to him._

_"He said that he wanted to try it. I hope he will like it."_

_Dejun heard someone beside him but he can't clearly saw the man's face nor what he wore. It's just a blurry figure of a boy._

_He saw an approaching car and Dejun's eyes widened when the person behind him was about to cross the street._

_"No! Don't!" before Dejun can grab the boy's shoulder, he heard someone scream on the other side of the street. He looked back at the boy but he was gone, instead, he saw him lifeless at his feet._

_"No… No…"_

*･☪·̩͙

"What do you mean by no? You want to stay in this car?" 

Dejun opened his eyes and his father cold stare greets him.

"Get up. Follow me." His father ordered him and he is out of Dejun's sight again.

He closed his eyes again and rub his chest near his heart. It ached terribly and it is beating so fast. He needs to calm down.

"I don't want to dream again. I hope it will be the last." Dejun said letting out a sigh and leaves the car. 

Dejun follows the steps of his father as they enter a small wooden gate. His father wore a fancy black suit and shoes that Dejun believes is a very expensive pair. but despite how rich his father looks, he lives in a small loft. 

It is a one-level house made out of wood. What Dejun loves about this house is all the plants surrounding it. The vines, the green bush in front of it and those pots with different flowers in them. If it will be the house he will live in, he definitely loves it. 

"I love it." Dejun can't help but shriek.

"You get that from him huh? I worked hard for those plants to grow and live because he loves each of them and he loves our house to be covered by green."

Dejun listened and analyzed his father's reaction then he remembered what one of the sisters said. Yes, his father is a demon but it doesn't mean he is not capable of loving and looking at the way his father eyes smiles, the way his blank expression is gone when he talks about his partner, he can tell that the sister is telling the truth.

Maybe it's true love. Dejun is curious again of how it feels like to love someone, to be loved and how it feels when it's true and right. He can't help but smile at the mere thought of him having a lover. 

Dejun's daydreaming is interrupted when the door in front of him shuts. He rolls his eyes. He forgot that his father is a demon and had a bad attitude. 

When Dejun entered the small house, he instantly smiled. This was really the house he wanted to live in. Simple but cozy. A couch, a cute dining area, a fireplace and of course, a bookshelf. There is nothing more he can wish for. 

He looked around and he is surprised that the crow that had been on his side is outside on his father's window. Dejun watched as his father opened the window to let the crow and he couldn’t believe what he saw next. 

The crow turned into a beautiful boy. He had a naturally long wavy hair and that smile… he gave Dejun a prince like a smile. 

"You… you are not a crow… what are you?" Dejun asked. 

"I'm Master Yongqin’s identity and apprentice, I'm-"

"Guanheng!" 

The man in front of him hurriedly ran to his father. The boy helped his father to take off his suit and offered him tea.

Identity? apprentice? A demon is something common in this era but Dejun thinks that he needs to learn a lot, especially about his father. 

  
  
  


It's almost twelve midnight, a few minutes before Dejun's birthday is over. After their quiet lunch, Dejun hasn't seen his father again.

Dejun goes to his room after their lunch and came down to get some water and look around the house but his father was no-where to found. It's his birthday but his father hasn't greeted him or even smiled at him.

Dejun sat beside his new room window, one foot on the chair, his chin on his palm and his eyes looking at the stars.

It's his birthday yet he can't feel any joy. He is happy to know who his father is but it hurts knowing that your father is not fond of you. He was here because his father needs him, not because he is his child. 

Dejun can't feel the warmth of having a father even though he has someone to call his father now. He can't even define what it feels to have a father. 

'tap' 'tap' a sound was heard. His eyes roam around where that sound came from and he saw Guanheng in his crow form. 

Dejun was scared of letting the crow enter his room before, but now he knows that this crow is just not an animal who likes to stay outside his window. Since Guanheng offered him a warm smile after his father finished his lunch and left without looking at him, he considered Guanheng as someone… he can't describe if he’s a company or friend since Dejun doesn’t know what a friend really is.

Dejun opened the windows and Guanheng came in and within a 'poof', he is already in his human form with a cute cupcake in one hand, holding it properly and his other hand covering the candle so the fire won't be blow out by the wind. 

"Blow the candle now!" Guanheng said, panicking.

Despite of Guanheng hurrying him, Dejun can't help but to giggle and shake his head before blowing the candle.

Guanheng cheered after he successfully blew out the candle, "Happy Birthday Xiao De Jun!"

Dejun stared at the boy in front of him. He didn’t know what to say or to do because of the overwhelming feelings. 

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I already knew that this was a wrong idea! But I just thought that no one hasn't greeted you a happy birthday and you haven't celebrated it so I thought-," 

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Dejun said, smiling.

"You are smiling yet you have tears on your cheeks…" Guanheng said walking slowly towards him and Dejun has felt a hand caressing his cheeks, drying his tears. 

Dejun is new to all the feelings that have been swarming in his chest. His longing for comfort, affection and love. He doesn't know which one he feels but he can feel that he can finally release a deep sigh, to be comfortable enough, to lower his guard and let his emotions out. He doesn't know if it's Guanheng or it's just that he is emotional. 

"I don't know. I'm happy? I guess I'm happy because someone finally greeted me today but the fact that no one greeted me today even my father I just met today didn't, he didn't even look at my eyes…" 

Next thing he knew someone was embracing him and a light hand was tapping oin his shoulder. 

"It's okay. It's okay. Someone greeted you and that's more than a reason to be happy. You have a father and you are blessed for that. Don't worry about the things that didn't come but be grateful because you are the one who has a chance. You have the card to be happy. Use it."

He is? Does what he has right now is enough for him to be happy? Does what is happening now considered a happy memory?

"Also, let me tell you a secret. Yongqin chose this cupcake. We went to his favorite pastry shop and I thought he was just craving for his luxury sweets since everything there was expensive but I was shocked when he asked me what cupcake suits you and after it he shoved it to my chest, saying it's your birthday."

Dejun is sure that Guanheng is a talker, a walking and talking book. A smile crept onto his face due to the cuteness of the boy in front of him but he didn't ignore the happiness in his heart. His father thought of him, maybe his father did care for him after all. 

*･☪·̩͙

_The same dream again, same characters again and yet again Dejun can't do anything._

_A lifeless body right in front of his feet and a boy in the other street screaming and keep on shouting to above, "Why?"_

_A loud bell sounded from the shop where the beautiful man and the figure used to be in but one of them is nowhere to be found. Dejun finds him._

_"Dery no… no… no... I'm so sorry Dery. Please live… not for me but to my child…"_

*･☪·̩͙  
  


Dejun wakes up to the scent of a book again and it's on his face again. He fell asleep again while reading the latest book he has been reading.

Guanheng gave to him the book that he left in the mansion and he was told that his father ordered Guanheng to get it for him.

His father may have the coldest eyes towards him but now Dejun can tell that he is really his son. He is good at hiding his emotions. 

It is something about pride. Dejun can't show his emotions because kids in the mansion will just mock him more because of the vulnerability that he will show and he thinks that that is what his father is doing right now. 

It's all about pride. He cares for his son but he can't show it because of the image that he was upholding. 

Dejun came down whooping because of the happy feeling in his body. He saw his father on the couch having a cup of tea.

"Good morning father!" 

Dejun cheerfully greeted his father but he gained but nothing a left brow that was raised. He just bowed for an apology and went straight to the dining table.

"Good morning Dejun", Guanheng shouted.

"For fck sake why are kids so loud nowadays?! Can't I have a peaceful morning with my tea?!" 

Both Dejun and Guanheng looked at Yongqin with shock but Guanheng was the first one to break the silence by laughing. 

A flying newspaper was thrown at Guanheng but Guanheng dodge it because he switched instantly to his crow form and flew behind Dejun's back.

Yongqin hissed and picked up his cardigan from the couch armrest.

"Remember what I have ordered, Guanheng, I need an update tonight."

Those were his father’s last words before he and Guanheng were left alone in the house.

After Dejun's breakfast, he found his outfit was prepared on his bed. It's already spring, and his father was thoughtful enough to give him comfortable and warm clothes, including a cardigan which he thinks is probably expensive. He is really curious to know what his father’s job is and how rich he is. 

Taking a bath, wearing the clothes that were given to him and picking up the book he was reading, Dejun hurriedly went out to meet Guanheng, who was waiting for him.

He found Guanheng standing beside the door frame, wearing his usual outfit, a suit with a vest on top. He is really pulling that buttler and right-hand image.

"Where are we going? Is there my father wants me to do?" Dejun asked, putting the book in his bag. 

"Yes. We are about to stroll and look at every person we meet." Guanheng said seriously. 

Dejun eyes narrowed, meaning to ask what that order is supposed to mean. 

"He already told you, right? You are the only one who can recognise him, Yongqin's husband, your father. Yongqin wants him back." Guanheng explained.

The boy starts to walk and so Dejun followed him, 

"How am I supposed to know who my father is? I don't have any special powers, as far as I know, I may be a demon but I can't burn a thing like what my papa did."

Guenheng stopped and looked at him with horror, "What?" He asked. 

"Does Yongqin knows that you called him papa?" Guanheng asked curiously. 

Dejun shook his head, "I have basically two fathers, it's weird and hard to call him both father. Since I already knew one of them, I call him papa so I can call the other one father since I haven't seen him, I should be more respectful. I'll change and the three of us will decide on what I should call them." 

"Sure, Yongqin will like it. You know that's he is cute right? And papa will suit his height." 

"You're rude."

While walking towards the village, Guanheng explained the whole situation, on what really happened between his parents. 

Yongqin is a demon and he fell in love with a God, Dejun's other father. His father is really kind and full of love. He loves everything that exists and lives on earth. Dejun would describe him as 'Gaia', the goddess of the earth. 

His father loves even the demon who lives on earth. He believes that even though they may have the title of a demon, it doesn’t mean they are that evil. Some of them were born as a demon, so they don't have a choice but to be recognised as a demon.

It was his father who proposed that demon and humans have the same rights, equally treated. The highest above trusted enough his father that he allowed it but he created one rule, Human and Demons especially God and Demon relationship is prohibited. It is for God and Humans to remain sacred. 

His father agreed and was confident that the rule will be followed under his ruling but fate and temptation are inevitable.

Yongqin and his father met. The God can't help but fall in love with the beauty of Yongqin and on how kind and peaceful he is. Yongqin was nothing but a demon who really loves to dance and the God himself was enticed by the graceful dancing of the demon. 

The story goes on by Yongqin returning the feelings of the said God. It is nothing but true love between them. They are happy around each other, they did their best to hide it and it really lasted until Yongqin was carrying another life.

It was the que. The highest above knew that there is another life formed and it is something not normal. He found out that it was a life born between a God and a demon. 

The measure was fast. The punishment is immediately given to both of them. Even though Yongqin made the choice to give up the child just for the both of them stay together but it was already decided. His father lost his title as God, his memories were taken away, and he was to be abandoned far away from Yongqin and his child. 

Yongqin was very angry, hatred consuming him. He did his best to call out the attention of the highest above to give his partner back by killing people, a demon even God and Goddesses he sees. The kills are innumerable. Until his father decided to stop it and throw the mere God in his stomach and used as if it's nothin, as if it does not have a blood of God. It was his revenge. 

"So I'm just really a thing for him huh?" Dejun said kicking a small rock on his way. 

"I don't think so," Guanheng argued. 

"He is still angry now and still can't accept everything that happened but he is just really a demon who loves his family. He really love that God until now and you… the outcome of their love. He is happy to have you, he just can't forgive himself for abandoning you." 

It was also told by Guanheng that the demon's apprentice and identity is very essential for a demon. Surely they can live but things are better with their apprentice. His master gave up his apprentice, asking it to be away from him just to be sure his son is safe. 

“Right after he leaves you at the mansion he has been wandering around, going to a lot of places, continuously embarking on a seemingly endless journey of finding him, his other half. Not anyone’s, not someone else’s, nor his own apprentice, it was just him alone gliding against the sea of people. Hoping that someday, he would finally find the one that he’s been searching for.”

Dejun doesn't know what to respond. Maybe Yongqin won't show directly how he loves his son but Guanheng’s words are enough for Dejun to feel it. 

Yongqin was nothing but a demon who was full of love, circumstances made him let his inner demon out but he did it out of love. 

"You're not a talker eh?" Guanheng broke the silence. 

Dejun just shook his head. He is not a talker because he is not used to it, no one in the mansion talks to him. The sisters did but it's just always questions, answerable with yes or no. 

"I'm sorry but I'm the one, so maybe we will balance everything. By the why what do you expect from this day?"

"Nothing but maybe to find my father?" He answered innocently. 

"Except for that. It's the first time you go outside, what do you want to see or to do?" Guanheng asked him enthusiastically, walking backwards, facing him. 

Dejun thinks ideas and dreams start to flood in his mind. 

"I wanted to see a flower field, maybe a dog too? And oh! I really want to try some coffee and tea! Also…" 

"Hmm?" Guanheng looked at him curiously. 

"I wanted to find a friend. Wanted to know how it feels to have a friend and-"

And love. Books made him wonder but his parents' story made him more curious and crave for it. A love that is nothing but strong and true.

"Considered it accomplished! I am your friend since you were born! Whenever I'm outside your window, I wanted to talk to you and maybe poke your cheeks cause you're incredibly cute---" 

Guanheng stopped his words, leaving his mouth wide open that he soon covered by his hands. Dejun eyes narrowed again, confused by Guanheng suddenly running from him nevertheless he just shrugged his shoulders and followed Guanheng. 

Maybe he also shrugged away what he feels, like how his cheeks suddenly heat up or how his stomach turns when Guanheng called him cute when Guanheng himself was handsome and cute. 

Dejun's eyes sparkled when he saw the village. It's full of different people and there are things that he has never seen.

What Dejun enjoys the most is the sound of the village. The sound of footsteps, the sound of villagers and sellers and the sound of laughter that are coming from the children along with their family. He doesn't have a vision of how beautiful the world outside the mansion and everything amazes him, he loves everything his eyes can see. 

"Come?" 

Guangheng brought him back from his daydreaming and he just saw one of the things he can consider beautiful. It's Guanheng’s smile. 

Dejun took the hand that were being offered to him. Guanheng became his guide among the ocean of people and he is more than thankful and happy for it.

They roam around and Guanheng introduced all the things to him. He learned a lot but there is one thing that is bothering him. 

"Guanheng?" Dejun caught the attention of the boy that was holding his hand tight. 

"I've been meaning to ask. I thought it's normal because the first person I saw has it but when we pass by through those people there are few that have a flower crown on their heads and I just saw someone who has it too but the flower on his crown is withered. What are they? What those crowns mean?" 

"So Master Yongqin is telling the truth," Guanheng said.

Dejun continued to stare at him and wait for him to continue what he is saying. 

"Remember when he said that he needs you? He needs you to find him. You have the ability to recognize him. Those people with flower crowns are Gods and Goddesses and you able to see those crowns because you are one of them. You have a blood of a God after all.- Let me take you to Master Yongqin's favourite shop and I'll explain everything to you." 

Dejun waits for Guanheng, as the boy is at the counter making an order of a tea and cakes. He sits beside the window, looking at every people that passing by and especially to those with flower crowns. 

The number is not too much but Dejun thinks he saw ten people who have it and out of ten people, two of them have a withered flower crown. 

His attention was turn to the sound of a plate was placed on the table. He smiles to Guanheng, a sign of thank you. 

There is curiosity and waiting at Dejun's eyes. Guanheng can't help but to sigh and start to explain what he can. 

God and Goddesses, they exist to rule and patronise a certain thing, topic or place. There are Gods for animals, flowers, for forrest and even unseen things like love. There are many of them and their flower crown serves as their identity and power. 

Temptation and Sins. Even Gods can't ignore it and some of them commit a sin that made them lose their title and have a punishment. 

The flowers on their crown will die along with their honour. They will live as a simple human, without any power nor a memory. 

As a punishment, everyone will know that they are a sinner, a God that commits a sin by having a withered crown. People will treat them like a criminal, disgust eyes on them without knowing why they are being treated like a bad one because all their memories were taken away from them.

"That's sad," Dejun said while stirring the tea in front of him. 

"No one meant to be perfect right? They will commit mistakes as they are just a God, A title that was just given from the high above. The ruler must be the only one to be perfect."

The one above should just expect that everyone below him is bound to make mistakes as they are just following orders.

It was painful, to be treated that as if you are the most disgusting being on earth. 

The withered crown represents that you used to belong from a certain group. But at the same time, it won't let you be loved and make you feel that you are not supposed to breathe in the same air as them.

Dejun knows the feeling of being isolated and treated like you do not belong in a certain place. People won't come to you as they’re afraid of you or because they are afraid to associate themselves with a demon.

"It's unfair. Everyone commits mistakes and sins, especially those humans. what makes us, them different? Why we are treated unfairly?" 

"I'll get you another slice of cake for you to smile again."

That's all Dejun heard before Guanheng stands up. His eyes followed Guanheng and it lead to the counter but what caught his attention was a young man running behind the counter while wearing his apron also Dejun didn't miss the withering flower crown above him.

"Hi, Guanheng! Is your master having a tantrum again? Getting him sweets?" The man asked and takes care of the cashier. 

Guanheng answered something that Dejun didn't hear but the man's mouth turn into a cute 'o' and looked at him. His eyes widened when their eyes made contact and he felt like his heart has been stabbed when the man smiled at him. 

Dejun clutched the part of his shirt right above his heart. The pain continues and he wants to cry. 

His one hand is already holding on his knee, trying to hold onto something for him to control his pain but nothing will lessen the pain.

"Hey… are you okay?" He heard Guanheng ask him.

Dejun shook his head and unknowingly, tears are already trolling down in his cheeks.

"Are you crying? What's wrong?" Guanheng asked, panicking. 

He kneeled down and reached for Dejun's face.

"It hurts… I can't…" Dejun mumbled between his sobs. 

Guanheng stands up, pushed Dejun's head on his lap and starts to caress his hair.

"Shhh… it will be okay. I'm here." 

Dejun woke up in his bed being warmed by a nice blanket and a hand holding his. 

He searched for the owner of the hand and he saw Guanheng sleeping in the chair beside his bed. His head is already falling from the right side and Dejun is sure that it will hurt. 

It pains Dejun to wake the boy but he won't let the other hurt his neck. He doesn't want to let go of Guanheng's hand but he needs to. 

Dejun stands up and slowly caressed Guanheng cheek.

"Hey… You should sleep properly on your bed." He said softly.

Guanheng grunts but slowly open his eyes. When he realized it was Dejun, he immediately stood up.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything? How are you?" Guanheng asked him. 

"I'm fine already. You can-"

"I'll get you some tea." 

And with that Guanheng leaves his room. 

He felt like half of his life was taken. Dejun is exhausted, the pain he felt earlier dried his energy out. The pain still lingers in his chest and sadness consume his body. 

It takes Dejun all his courage for him to leave his room. His knees are weak but he needs to do something for his energy to come back. 

He seeks for Guanheng in the dining area but he can't see him. Istead, he saw his Papa preparing some tea. 

"You go sit on the couch and wait for me to finish your drink." 

Dejun still nods and patiently waited for his drink. He stares at the burning fire in front of him. The heat warms him and it made him relax. 

"Here." 

He looked up to his papa and took the tea from his hand. 

"Thank you." He mumbled.

Yongqin sits besides him and suddenly the heat that was coming from the fire is forgotten because the warmth of his papa.

"What happened? Are you… okay?" 

Dejun looked at him and he saw his papa drawing something on the mini table in front of them. He assumed that his papa is doing his best to avoid making an eye contact with him but Dejun knows that his papa is just new to this and he understands if his Papa can't look at him directly.

"I don't know. My heart suddenly hurts and the pain was unbearable… I can't do anything. It just keeps on hurting. Until now there is a little pang in my chest." Dejun answered honestly and he wants to cry again. 

The presence of his papa wants him to let out all what he feels, to ease the pain. He finds comfort and he feels like a child telling his father that someone bullied him.

Yongqin took the tea cup in his hand and placed it on the table. The next thing Dejun knew, his head was now resting on his papa's shoulder and a soft and warm hand was holding his. 

"It's okay now. I'm here. We will take the pain away." Yongqim shushes him and pats his shoulder. 

Dejun sobs lowered with every pat on his shoulder. He calms down after minutes and he can already feel the pain fade.

"Your father used to comfort me like this. When crying is the only way for me to let out things, he will just let me cry and do his best to hush me." 

Dejun hum in response telling his father to tell him more.

"He is the warmest person living here for me. He has the softest heart and he gave the best love for everyone especially to me and when we knew that we have you…" 

Yongqin let out a small laugh before he continues "I'm a little jealous of you because he just loved someone else other than me." 

His papa can be childish. A new thing that Dejun learned. 

He looked up to his papa. Their eyes met and a smile welcomes him.

"Is it okay that I call you papa? I just think that I should call you papa and when we found him already, I'll call him father." Dejun said while playing with his Yongqin's hand on his. Embarrassed on what he asked.

"I like it. He will be happy when he hears you call him father." Yongqin said and caressed his hair.

Dejun yawned and closed his eyes. "Papa…" he mumbled before slowly dozing off. 

"Yes, son?" 

That was he heard before falling asleep in his Papa's embrace. He slept with a bright smile on his face. 

Yongqin holds Dejun's hand, caressing the back of it. 

"Kun… please come home. You want to be called father right? Come home… me and our son is waiting for you." 

Dejun and Guanheng went to the village again to find his father. Their trip was quiet, unlike yesterday. Guanheng has a blank expression on his face.

He can't bear it anymore, so Dejun decides to stop in front of him and glared at him.

Guanheng takes a step backwards and tried to ignore him but he insisted and continued to block him.

Dejun hissed when Guanheng tried to escape again.

"Is there something bothering you?" He asked. 

Guanheng just shakes his head as an answer and tried walk again. 

"Yes. There is something bothering you. You are not talking. You are not —smiling. I hate that you are not smiling like you used to."

"Everyone has their down time." Guanheng argued. 

"Yes, but for a reason. I know it but I want to know why are you down, I want to help you, I want to comfort you. I want to see you smile but if you don't want to then fine!" 

Dejun leaves Guanheng because he was mad but the frustration consumes him too. He can't understand why he said it. Why he wanted to see Guanheng's smile and on why it bothers him that Guanheng is not happy. 

"Why?!" He shouts and stomps his feet.

"Are you lost?" 

Dejun looked for the voice. It was familiar to him.

When he looked back, he saw him again. The young man in the tea shop.

He is not in his uniform unlike yesterday and this time he is with a kid.

"Do you want me to help you? Do you want to find your parents?" The man said to the kid in front of him. 

_'What kind of question is that? Of course, he needs to help the kid.' Dejun thought._

"My Daddy said that I am not supposed to talk to strangers especially with that." The kid said and point at the withered flower crown above the man's head. 

Dejun saw him smile, a sad one. He understands now why he asked that. Why he asked for approval. 

"I know but I won't do anything to you. I just want you to meet your parents again." 

The man was about to touch the kid when someone grabs the kid and shouts at him.

"Don't touch my child. Stay away from him!"

He saw how the man easily retreats and take a step backwards and what Dejun makes mad and sad is that the man said sorry.

"You don't need to say sorry." He said.

"I need to." 

And there it is again. A sad smile. 

"You didn't do anything to the kid," Dejun argued.

"Yes, I don't but I sinned and I need to pay the price of it."

Dejun just stared at the man in front of him. His heart ached again but it is something different. It's bearable but he can feel it. 

He doesn't pity him but instead, he empathized with him. Being sorry for who you are and being treated as you have a contagious disease. 

"You are Guanheng's friend right? And Yongqin's son?" The man asked him. 

Dejun nod in response. 

"What are you doing here? Are you lost?" 

That's the moment Dejun realized that he doesn't know where he is. He tilts his head on his right and left to find Guanheng but again he realized that he just ran off from him.

"I am lost? I can't find Guanheng…" He embarrassingly said. 

"Guanheng will surely lose his mind again." The man said while smiling. 

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously. 

"Come to my tea shop. I'm sure Guanheng will look for me to help him in finding you."

Dejun doesn't understand anything but he just followed the young man. As if he also have a choice, he is lost and he needs help. 

"What's your name?" Dejun asked. 

"You can call me Kun. It's not my real name but since you are the son of my loyal customer and friend of Guanheng, so you can call me that."

The walk to the tea shop was quiet but it's not awkward. The pain still lingers on Dejun's heart but for a reason he felt comfortable and safe walking with Kun. 

He can say that he is blissful, he loves the company despite cold breeze of spring. 

"I haven't seen Yongqin but I always heard about him because of Guanheng. And of course he always talks about you." 

"About me? Why?" Dejun curiously asked. 

"You know that Guanheng is always looking for you right? He has been with you since you were a child. He always told me how your day was, how happy he is when you read a book and how much he wanted to punch those kids who mocked you." 

"Why is that so?" He innocently asked. 

Dejun still can't comprehend why. Does Guanheng pity him? or he is just doing his duty? He just can't understand why Guanheng would do or feel that way. 

"I'm a bad friend to say this but I'm so done with his pining and unrequited love." 

"Wait, what?" Dejun panicked at what he heard. 

"You are Guanheng's first crush and first love. He can't stop talking and thinking about you. That kid is madly in love with you." Kun laughed. 

"Madly in love? Isn't that too much? That word is really meaningful, you can't say it like that unless you are sure!" Dejun shouted while his heart beats faster. 

"I am sure. Just look." Kun said and pointed a finger in front of them.

Dejun looked at where Kun pointing is and there he is. The man of their topic, Guanheng. He is running, catching his breath and it seems he is in panic while going towards Kun's tea shop.

"Xiao De Jun!" Guanheng said while entering the shop.

"See. He just shouted your name. That's what you called being in love." 

Dejun was dumbfounded. Love? He doesn't know how it works. He doesn't know what it feels and he doesn't know what to react nor to feel on what he learned.

He doesn't even know if it's true. Dejun just can't believe it. 

"Let's go, before Guanheng loses his mind." 

"Wait…" 

Before Dejun can protest because he doesn't know how to face Guanheng. Kun held his hand. The touch made him feel his whole body warmed.

He felt familiarity in the hold on his hand. It's the same feeling, this is what he felt when his Papa held his hand last night. It had the same warm and overwhelming feeling. 

Dejun let Kun take him to the tea shop and the moment the bells rung, his eyes met with Guanheng's. 

"Xiao De Jun…" 

"Does he really need to call me by my full-"

He can't finish what he has to say, not when Guanheng's already embraced him tightly. It almost made the both of them fall because Guanheng jumped onto him. 

Dejun needs to thank Kun for preventing it by catching him but he needs to reconsider it because he heard Kun laughing at them.

"Where have you been?" Guanheng asked, still hugging him.

"I don't know… I just dashed off then I just realized that I'm lost." Dejun said.

He can't breathe. He can't breathe because the hug was tight but the mere fact the Guanheng, the person who is in love with him was so near to him. 

Dejun just felt it again. He just felt his cheeks heat up.

Guanheng finally detached himself from him (which is he is thankful for because he thinks his mind and feelings are going haywire right now), instead holding both of his shoulders and checking up on him. His eyes looking at every inch of his body (which made him feel embarrassed.) 

"Are you okay? Did anything happens? Are you in pain again?" 

"Uh… No. Everything is fine." Dejun assured him. 

"Thank all the Gods and Goddesses for that," Guanheng said. 

Their eyes met and they stared each other for a few seconds before Guanheng let go of him. 

"Next time don't run off again," Guanheng said before turning his back on him. 

"Let me get you a tea before we go home." 

Dejun barely heard it because Guanheng's is already far away from him, going to the counter.

_'Is he mad at me?'_

He doesn't know why the thought makes him sad, but he was sure that he doesn't want Guanheng to be mad at him.

Dejun lets out a sigh before sitting at the same spot where they sat yesterday. 

He was just looking at people passing, especially those with withered flower crowns. He still needs to find his father, he doesn't want his papa to be disappointed in him.

He doesn't actually know how he will recognize his father aside from the withered flower crown. 

"I must ask papa what Father looks like," Dejun said into the air. 

"Here." 

Dejun can't look at Guanheng so he just picked up the tea and blew on it. 

He peeked at him, but Guanheng was just staring outside like he was doing earlier.

Dejun can't bear the silence, but most importantly he can't bear that Guanheng's mad at him.

He puts down the teacup and plays with the handle. 

"Uhhh. I'm sorry." He said without taking his eyes off from the tea.

"I didn't mean to run off. I actually don't understand you and myself. I don't like the silence cause I can feel that you are sad and I don't understand why I felt like that. I'm mad at you because you can't tell me why are you not okay and I'm frustrated to myself as I can't understand why I care." 

Dejun sinks at his seat and he can't help himself to pout.

"I'm getting you some sweets." 

There he is again. Not answering him. That's it. He is done. He is mad now. Dejun doesn't care anymore. He will say what he wanted to say.

"No! You stay there! Get back to your seat!" Dejun shouts.

He didn't mean to shout. He is not the type of person to raise his voice but he needs to do it. He needs to use some authority for Guanheng to stay on his seat. 

"We are talking about this." Dejun glared at Guanheng. 

"Now tell me what's wrong," Dejun said.

"I'm disappointed with myself. You were hurt yesterday and I can't do anything about it. You passed out because of it. Last night, I decided not to be distracted and focus on only you and make sure that you won't be hurt anymore." Guanheng explained.

And that was a statement he didn't expect. He doesn't even know that he passed out yesterday. 

Dejun can feel the disappointment and anger in Guanheng's voice. 

"It's not your fault." He assured Guanheng.

"But I didn't do anything to help you and I promised myself that it won't happen again. I won't let you to be hurt again." 

"You did something. I woke up warmed. Your hand that was holding mine, you that stayed with me and you the first thing I see. It's more than enough. You make me feel safe and not alone and it eased the pain I felt." 

That is the truth. Guanheng is the only person he knew that stayed on his side until now. Those moments when he thought that he was alone and then he saw the crow never leaves his window. Dejun always felt that there is someone with him no matter what the situation is.

When he woke up holding Guanheng's hand. He felt nothing but relief and comfort, the unbearable pain was forgotten for a few seconds.

The thought that Guanheng never leaves him, that Guanheng is concerned about him make his heart flutter, and like what his books said, 'he can feels butterflies in his stomach.' 

But it pains him that Guanheng is disappointed in himself. Guanheng deserves to be happy, Dejun wishes that the boy in front of him will always smile. 

"Are we settled now? Are you not mad at me? Are you not mad at yourself anymore?" 

Dejun asked Guanheng then smiled widely with a twinkle, proving that he is fine, that there is no need for Guanheng to feel like that. 

He didn't expect that Guanheng to act like a child, sulking inhis seat.

"I'm not mad at you, and how am I supposed to be mad at myself when you just show me twinkling eyes?" Guanheng says said and pouts.

"That's it! You are a good boy. Now in return, I'll be the one to get you sweets." 

Dejun walked to the counter with a wide smile on his face, and maybe his cheeks are little red. 

"So are you two okay?" 

"Yes! I'm here to get his sweets! Do you have any recommendations?" Dejun asked Kun with too much enthusiasm. 

Kun made a thinking face as if he wasis looking at a light bulb above his head. 

"I do remember that he loves matcha. Maybe a matcha roll?" Kun suggested.

"Matcha it is!" Dejun answered

"Okay! Matcha roll coming up!" 

Dejun was smiling. Looking and talking to Kun made him smile. When he looked back at Guanheng he felt nothing but dreamy.

Their day went, as usual, looking at every human who had a withered flower crown above their head, but none of them has a certain connection to him. His papa told him that maybe he can feel something within him, maybe a certain connection that will immediately tell him that it was his father, but the day has come to an end, yet Dejun felt nothing special. Every encounter seems normal.

On their way home he felt bad because he doesn't have good news for his papa but Guanheng kept on cheering him up, saying that Yongqin won't be disappointed to him and there are still days to come to find his father. 

Guanheng starts to be a walking and talking book again. His mouth doesn't stop telling stories to him. Dejun loves every memory that he heard, he can tell that Guanheng lives a simple and happy life serving his papa. He is happy to see Guanheng smiling. 

He can feel that he knows Guanheng more than anyone else, every story is a step closer to him and Dejun is more than willing to be really close with Guanheng. He wanted to create memories with him. 

Guanheng starts telling Dejun about how he met Kun. When Dejun heard the name his full attention turned to Guanheng. He listens intently. 

They met when his Papa was having a bad day and demanded Guanheng to give him sweets. Guanheng ran to the nearest tea and pastry shop to get the pastry that his master wants. When he entered that shop, Guanheng didn’t know what to get and Kun offered to help. 

"I didn't accept immediately because I found his question weird. He asked me where Master was." Guanheng said.

Guanheng hesitated at first, but Kun explained that he needs to see the person so he can have a hint of what he looks like so he can have a reference on what he likes.

"I was convinced and I pointed to him where Master was and what was really weird was that I saw a tear drop from his eye, but he just wiped it away immediately!" Guanheng dramatically explained while opening the door for him.

Dejun didn’t realized that they were already at home, he did not notice his Papa, who was walking around the kitchen.

He immediately sat on the couch and Guanheng stood in front of him with his eyes wide open as he recalled Kun's reaction.

"You made it up. Why would Kun cry—" 

There was a sudden crash that made him and Guanheng look at the kitchen. A plate was dropped and it was completely shattered at his Yongqin's feet.

"Master! You're bleeding!" 

Guanheng immediately responds and runs to Yongqin to help him. Dejun also ran but he stopped when his papa seeks for his eyes and he notices how his Papa's hands are shaking.

"Papa, what's wrong?" Dejun asked and slowly approached him.

"Say that name again," Yongqin said without emotion. He just stared blankly at his son. 

"Whose name? Kun?" 

"Where did you get that name and how did you meet him?" Yongqin asked again.

Guanheng stands up, "He is the owner of your favourite shop." 

"Why didn't you tell me!" 

Dejun and Guanheng were startled because of Yongqin's sudden shout.

"I- you didn't ask for it, Master. I'm sorry." Guanheng bowed.

Yongqin calmed himself. Closing his eyes and breathing deeply for a few times. 

Dejun was lost.

"Why didn't I see him at the shop?" His Papa asked again. 

"I'm sorry again, Master, but I don’t know why Kun is not on his duty when you are coming to his shop." Guanheng remained his head low while explaining.

"Papa, what is happening? What's with Kun?" Dejun asked.

Yongqin pat Guanheng's head, "It's okay. You don't need to say sorry Hendery. You can raise your head now." 

The name was familiar to Dejun but he can't remember where he heard it. He simply ignored it because he was overwhelmed by his Yongqin's reaction and he is curious why. 

What's with Kun? Why did his Papa react that way?

"I'm sorry that I shocked the both of you. I know that I'm overreacting but it is the first time I heard his name again." Yongqin said while leaning on the kitchen counter. 

The three of them remained silent. The topic seems sensitive, so Dejun and Guanheng didn't push to ask what's wrong. 

Dejun just looked at his Papa and when their eyes met, he said, "It's your father's name." 

"W-what?" 

"That's why I reacted that way. I'm just shocked and jumped to the conclusion that you already found him." 

Memories flash by with the unbearable pain in his chest. Dejun falls on his knees and shouts in pain. 

Guanheng immediately responds and catches Dejun, "Hey. Hey. It's okay." 

Dejun shook his head but he was already crying, "It's the same again. It hurt so much." 

He felt a familiar embrace and pat on his head. 

"Shhh. Papa is here. Everything is okay." 

"I can't. It's too much." Dejun could hardly say as he clutched Yongqin's clothes and sobbed into his chest. 

And it happened again. The pain was too much and everything went black.

  
  


_Just holding your hand_

_To feel there's a love being conveyed between each other_

_Withone simple greeting, warmness enters the heart._

_Becoming the most true, emotionally touching for you and I._

Dejun woke up to a soft voice humming and a hand caressing his hair. He can't help but to smile and hug his papa tightly. 

_The sky that we once looked up to together hopefully_

_Yet discovered is no longer the same_

_Don't be afraid of the dense gathering of dark clouds_

_Sometimes pain and suffering can make you feel helpless_

_Courage will illuminate happiness and blessings for you_

"That's a sad but hopeful song," Dejun said while his eyes closed. 

Yongqin looked at him. He just smiles and wraps his arms tightly around his son. 

"Hmm. It's a song created by him." 

Dejun just hummed in return, telling his Papa to continue. 

"It's winter and we were stuck here in our little house when he sang this song to me. He said that it was for me only." 

_Just let me stay by your side and drive away all confusion_

_No need to despair any longer_

_Open up your wings and you'll able to see hope_

_Those unhappy things will pass by_

Yongqin sings the whole song to Dejun and his heart felt full, almost complete when he heard Dejun humming along with the song. As if he can hear Kun's voice, singing with him. 

"You have a beautiful voice." Yongqin complimented his son. 

"You too Papa. I guess I got it from you." Dejun said with giggles.

"Nah. Your father's voice is better but you are way better than the two of us. Maybe me and Kun's voice combined is you. Your voice is really beautiful." 

"I can't wait to hear Kun's voice," Dejun said. 

"Soon. Very soon." 

Dejun is sure. He is sure that Kun, the owner of that shop is his father. The pain, the familiarity, the warmth, it explains all why he felt all those feelings around Kun. 

The withered flower above his head proves it all. 

Yongqin is sure too. He talked to Guanheng and he describes Kun the way he remembers Kun. He will go to the shop tomorrow and see Kun.

He wanted to bring Dejun but he thinks that it won't be a good idea. He can't risk seeing Dejun in pain again. 

  
  
  


A knock on his door made Dejun open his eyes. He lazily walked and open his door. He greets Guanheng with an annoyed face but Guanheng smiled widely at him.

"Breakfast is ready!" Guanheng said, raising the spatula in his hand.

Dejun wanted to protest but he didn't have the energy to have a fight with Guanheng. He knew that Guanheng was more stubborn and he couldn't win against him.

He just walked out of the room, dragging his whole body with him.

"Where is Papa?" He asked, rubbing his eyes while looking around.

"Uhhh. He went to Kun's shop." Guanheng said.

"Why didn't he wake me up? I must go with him." 

Dejun was about to go back to his room and change his clothes when Guanheng grabbed his hand.

"Master ordered me to make sure that you won't follow him or go outside," Guanheng said.

"Why?" Dejun asked, confused.

Guanheng explained that his Papa doesn't want him to be in pain again. Until they know the reason behind it, they can't risk Dejun to be that close to Kun again. Yongqin thinks that his pain is connected to Kun.

"I wanted to see them. I'm worried about Papa. What if Kun rejects him and tells him that he doesn't remember us? He is alone. He has no one beside him." Dejun said. 

Guanheng squeezed his hand and Dejun looked at him. 

"Kun is a good person, I know that, and Master is a strong person. Kun rejects him, he will not give up that easily." 

Dejun just smiled. He believes Guanheng's word and he believes that his Papa is a brave and strong person. 

Guanheng never leaves Dejun. He keeps him entertained to distract him. Dejun is worried and Guanheng can tell that he is uneasy. 

Also, he keeps his eyes on him, checking him every minute to make sure that he is okay. Guanheng is not sure about what he will do if Dejun will suffer from pain again, especially when his Master is away. 

On the other side, Dejun is enjoying Guanheng's company. He loves everything he said and everything he does. He doesn't know why he is feeling that way but there is an urgency inside him, telling him that he needs to memorize Guanheng's face, voice, smile, especially his smile. 

I know that he should be worried about his parents but he can't help but give his full attention to the other boy. 

There is no regret. Every second with Guanheng feels special and magical. He treasures it within his heart. It is his memories with his first friend.

It’s almost evening when the door opens and they see Yongqin. They both read the atmosphere but they can't tell he is disappointed or sad but they can't also tell that he is happy.

No one talks. Both Guanheng and Dejun waits for Yongqin's words. 

"Guanheng can you leave us for a moment?" Yongqin asked nicely. 

"Sure," Guanheng said.

He gave Dejun an encouraging smile and squeezed his hand before turning into a crow and leaves them. 

Yongqin sits on the couch and taps the empty space beside him. Dejun understands the gesture and he instantly sits beside his Papa.

"Kun. He is your father." Yongqin confirmed. 

Dejun smiled, "I know. Aside from pain, I can remember your warmth from him." 

"That's good—" Yongqin can't even finish his words when he starts sobbing. 

"Pa, what's wrong." Dejun nervously said. 

He knows that his Papa is a composed person and to see him cry means something went bad.

"Kun remembers everything. He remembers. He suffered alone from our memories. He knows where I am, where you are. He knows everything yet he can't even reach us. He said that it is one of his punishments." 

Dejun doesn't know what to say. He understands. He can feel the pain. Your loved ones are in reach but you can't hug or even say hi to them. 

The person above who rules everything gave his father a hard punishment and Dejun thinks it's too much and unfair. 

"I tried to hold him but he won't allow me. He said if he made contact with me, an innocent life will be sacrificed and he is scared that it might be you and even if it is not you, he can't bear to see other lives being taken away because of his selfishness. That bastard still has his God instinct in his body." 

Dejun can't help but to smile when his Papa laughed softly. Even though his Papa called his partner a bastard, he can tell that he is proud, that his partner is doing a good job being a God. 

But his emotions instantly turned into hatred. He hates that ruler above. His father is a good God, he knows that his father already asked for forgiveness and paid the price for how many years now and he finds it unfair how until now, his father is still in a chastisement. 

His father suffered enough already. 

"Don't worry Pa. The three of us can do this. Who cares about that ruler. We will be a complete family, I swear that."

Guanheng is keeping his eyes everywhere and Dejun can tell that he is nervous. They are on the way to his father's shop to have a talk with him but they didn't tell Yongqin.

He wanted to convince Kun that everything is alright, that there is nothing wrong to be with them. Them being a family.

"Master will kill me if he finds out that I let you near Kun," Guanheng said, still anxious, thinking that his Master is just around, looking at them.

"He loves you and he knows that you're important to me so he will not kill you," Dejun said while walking calmly.

Guanheng stopped from walking but it feels like his heart also stopped, "What? Me? Important to you?" 

Dejun shakes his head but at the same time, he just let himself smile. Guanheng is too cute, especially with his red cheeks. He can't help but smile, as if he just ate the sweetest food on earth. 

He continues to walk, leaving the flustered behind.

Once his eyes land on the shop, Dejun lets out a deep breath. He prepares himself for this confrontation with his father and at the same time prepares if something bad will happen to him or to those people around him. 

Before he even pushed the door open, a hand grab his wrist.

"Are you sure about this? What if something happen to you? What if you feel pain again?"

Dejun holds Guanheng's hand, "I'm okay. I will be fine, you will be there for me, right?" 

Dejun is not afraid of anything as long as he knows that there will be someone who will catch his back and he knows that Guanheng will not fail him.

He entered Kun's shop, holding Guanheng's hand. 

Every step he takes feels heavy and it's getting heavier when they are almost near the counter. He finds breathing difficult and he can hear his heart beating fast.

When they are already on the counter, Dejun looks back at Guanheng and he receives a squeeze in his hand in return.

"Are you sure now?" Guanheng asked him. 

Dejun didn't answer him but instead, he just nodded and looked back at the person behind the counter. 

"Hi. I'm looking for Kun." He said nervously.

"May I ask who you are and why are you looking for our manager?" The boy politely asked even though he looks confused and doubtful. 

"I'm Dejun and I just need to talk with him," Dejun explained.

"I'm sorry—" 

The door inside the counter opened and Kun came out. Dejun saw that again, a sad smile.

In his few days sitting at the same spot, looking outside and hoping that his father will pass by, Dejun never thought that his father would be inside this shop and serving him the greatest tea and the best sweets that he ever tasted.

"Hi." 

That was awkward, Dejun thought. 

"Hello." That's all Dejun can say.

He prepared for this interaction. He already composed what he will say to his father but his father makes everything awkward that he can't even think of a proper way to start his proposal. 

"Look, Dejun this is not supposed to happen—"

"Why not?" Dejun cut off Kun's words. 

"It's his plan. A greater disaster will happen if we will disobey him again. I'm fine, as long as I'm the only one involved. I love the both of you and I don't want you to experience this misery— I don't want to risk an innocent life." Kun said with his sad eyes. 

"We are family, right? We will face this tragedy together. Who cares about those lives? It's not our fault. It's him. He is the one who will take lives without reason." 

Dejun never felt this brave before. He knows what he is saying is right. The one who rules everything, he must forgive anyone, right? Why would he punish one of his disciples that much? Why would he take an innocent life?

He just wanted to try it. He knows that the person above all must equally love all the human especially his disciples. 

Dejun hopes that maybe he will give them a chance to be a family again. 

Dejun rarely prays or asks him for what he wants but this time he will believe and ask to forgive both of his parents and let them be a complete and happy family. 

"Dejun!" 

It sounds familiar. Someone shouted his name yesterday too. He felt that he was special. The one he loves keeps looking for him.

Dejun looked for that voice and he found his papa out of his breath and he looked worried. Their eyes met and Dejun gave his warmest smile. 

  
  


Yongqin. He can already breathe again. He was about to go to Kun's shop again, just to see him. Few blocks away from the shop, he saw Guanheng outside the shop and he already knew that his son was with him. 

Thoughts run on his head but his heart beats fast when a thought comes that Dejun might be doing something ridiculous and something might happen to his son. 

He instantly dashes off inside the store and looks for his son. It feels like cold water was thrown on him when he saw Kun sitting with their son. 

Yongqin is catching his breath, panic and nervousness flowing through his body but his son welcomes him with a smile and that's the moment he calmed down and walked slowly to them.

"Father. I promise everything will be fine. Everything will be fine with just the three of us with Guanheng. I'm gonna leave you with Papa now." Dejun said and let his parents talk.

Dejun went outside and he instantly found Guanheng. He found Guanheng on the other side of the street, in front of the cotton candy vendor. 

"Guanheng!"

Guanheng looked back at him with the biggest smile and waved his hand at him.

_Deep red love engraved on the face._

He smiled back, "Guanheng looked perfect with pink and blue cotton candy behind him. He looks dreamy."

Dejun thought that everything in his life now is almost perfect. He already knew what is life outside the mansion, he already saw a flower field, a dog, he already went to a coffee shop— well, its a tea shop, but he already considered it the same, and of course he already found someone he can call a friend, and maybe he already knows what it feels to be in love. 

_Who cares now, I fall in love._

A complete family is the only one missing. He just looked back and watched his parents talk. He can't help but smile.

"Oh!" That's all Dejun can say when the scene became familiar to him.

It was his last dream. Now he remembers, he thinks that maybe those dreams are related to what happened and what will happen. 

He looked back again and this time his Papa was already offering his hand but Kun just stared at Yongqin's hand while crying. It's not exactly the same in his dream but Kun is crying and he is sad to see his father crying. 

Dejun smiled when Kun was about to take Yongqin's hand. His whole body went tensed and excited on the scene but other flashes of memories from his dreams came to his mind. 

Someone is about to die. 

If it's true that his dreams reflect what will happen, then after Kun grabs his Papa's hand, someone will die.

"Guanheng…"

He instantly looked at Guanheng but it's too late. Guanheng is already taking steps to cross the street. 

Dejun can't move nor speak. He wanted to shout Guanheng's name, to stop him but he just watched as the fast car approached Guanheng. 

His knees already gave up. He was already on his knees staring at Guanheng lying on the floor and watching the boy’s blood flow. 

"Why…" 

A bell rang and he just saw his Papa running towards Guanheng. 

"Dery no… no… no... I'm so sorry Dery. Please live… not for me but to my child…" 

"I'm sorry." He heard his father say beside him. 

Dejun just looked up to the sky and threw one question to the ruler above.

"Why. Why… Why?!" 

  
  


_I’m falling endlessly._

Tears are already escaping his eyes, but Dejun lets out a laugh. 

He just can't help but laugh at himself. He is such a fool for thinking that the ruler is good and that he will grant his first-ever wish. He only asked for his family to be complete and happy and yet that person above answered him by taking away Guanheng's life. 

"You're nothing but a ruler. A ruthless ruler who doesn't care about his people nor what they really want."

Dejun stands and walks towards Guanheng. 

"Son. I'm so sorry." Yongqin said while his tears ran down his cheeks. 

"Why are you saying sorry Pa? It's not your fault. That shit ruler is nothing but ruthless." Dejun said and took the lifeless body of Guanheng from his Papa. 

_Help me, almost breathless._

_Set me free, almost melting._

_So sick._

Yongqin looked at Dejun's eyes while his son carries Guanheng's body. He tried to read his son emotions or about to do when he saw nothing but black. 

He instantly grabbed his Son's hand.

"Dejun. No. You can't. You can't go back to yourself when you allow the demon inside you take your body. Please listen to your papa okay? Everything will be fine." 

Yongqin pleads and does his best to stop his son but Dejun has no longer control over his body. 

Despair, anger and hatred awaken the hidden demon inside Dejun's body. He already forgot who he is nor the people around him. He only knew Guanheng and he wants his friend's life back. He wanted to take revenge.

  
  


_You intruder, You got me losing my mind._

_It’s so dangerous, I want it._

This time Kun is the one who is shocked and nervous. He just saw Dejun's flower crown burned. The beautiful crown is nothing but a ring of fire above his son's head. 

He instantly runs towards his son and stops his track. 

"Dejun. I know you are a good child. Don't let your anger and hatred consume—" 

The ground shakes and it almost tears the village apart and all the glass windows break. 

_The self-control you gave me has torn in pieces_

_in the dark black hole._

Dejun smiled mischievously, "I was a good child right? Then why didn't he listen to me when I talked to him for the first time? He is not true."

"No. Dejun. It's my fault and what happened is just part of my punishment. I shouldn't do it. Everything happened because I chose to be selfish again." 

"No father, you are not selfish. The selfish one here is the one who keeps punishing you despite your lifetime repentance. Your endless punishment just shows how unfair he is. Please move. I need to find him. I need him to bring back Guanheng's life." 

_Can’t control myself, it’s like sugarcoated poison._

"No… please stay with us," Kun begged his son. 

He knows that if he lets Dejun go away, they will totally lose him.

"Move. Don't push me. Don't make me do things, I don't want to." 

_If I’ve committed a sin, I’ll willingly take the punishment._

"Kun!" Yongqin shouts and Kun saw numerous things floating around Dejun. 

Kun searches for his son's eyes but like what Yongqin has seen. It's just pure black. That will be the time Kun retreats and steps aside.

Both Yongqin and Kun watched their son walk away. They can't do anything but accept that their son is already gone. 

  
  


_Surreally beautiful at first, A devil at second._

The almost perfect clouds turn grey and thunder starts to growls. Yongqin heard nothing but a strong wind and heavy footsteps.

Footsteps of an angry demon. Yongqin already heard that kind of footsteps. He heard it from the strongest demon but he thinks that what he is hearing right now is nothing compared to what he heard before. 

Kun looked at his Son's back. This will be the last time he will see his son but maybe the next time he will see that figure again, it's already not his son. 

_Blinded by the glaring sky, I’m in your embrace._

_Hypnotized and captivated by the music being played._

*･☪·̩͙

He rushed to put his books and notebooks in his bag and wear the hoodie that was hanging neatly in his closet.

He prepared his outfit last night, he prepared a lot to the point of staying until two am in the morning. He planned everything— though they've been doing this for months, it feels like it's his first time. He just feels like he needs to treasure every moment with him. It feels like it's a chance given to them and he needs to use it well but because of too much thinking, he is going to be late for their study and date session. 

He planned to style his hair perfectly but he just got out of the shower and he doesn't have enough time to do it. 

"Xiaojun! Hendery is already here!"

Just what he has thought. He doesn't have enough time because his boyfriend already arrived. 

"No. No. We will be late." He whispered to himself.

"Pa! Don't let him in, please! I'm already coming down!" Xiaojun said while putting his shoes on without even tying it. 

His door opened and he saw his daddy leaning on the door frame.

"Too late. Hendery is already sitting at our kitchen table," Kun said while watching his son zip his bag. 

"Shit!" Xiaojun can't help but curse. 

"Language," Kun warned him.

Xiaojun didn't pay attention to his daddy and got out of his room. He needs to go down. If his papa already serves Hendery food, they will be very late for their study session. 

Their college entrance exam is coming soon and they need to study. He know it's his fault that they are late today but his papa loves his best friend slash boyfriend too much. He even got jealous sometimes because his papa treats Hendery nicer than his own son. 

And when Hendery is home, it will take hours to get Hendery out of their house because his papa will feed him not just a single snack but a full course meal with dessert. 

Xiaojun instantly grabs Hendery's arm and pulls him out of his seat.

"Pa! We are going now! No need to cook!" Xiaojun said.

Hendery is about to stand up and let his boyfriend pull him but small hands grab his shoulder and push him back to sit. 

"Son, No. Hendery said he hadn't eaten his breakfast and you too. Both of you need to eat first." Ten said with a threatening smile. 

Xiaojun takes the hint and he knows that he needs to obey his papa. He just took off his bag, put it on the counter and sat beside Hendery. 

Hendery just smiled apologetically to him and he just glares at him.

"Why did you come in? You knew that this would happen." Xiaojun scoffs. 

"I didn't. I stopped right in front of the front door and was already typing my message and then suddenly the door opened and Uncle Ten was already smiling at me." Hendery whispered, scared that his uncle Ten will hear him and he doesn't want to hurt his uncle.

Hendery knows that Ten will be sad if he heard that he wants to reject his invitation. 

"I always told you to wait for my text before coming here so I can meet you outside!" Xiaojun said almost shouting. 

"But it's already late and you're not answering my calls!" Hendery almost shouts back.

"You two. It's both your fault. I know that both of you don't care about being late, you guys just don't want your date time to be lessened." Kun said while passing by them and went straight to Ten and helped him to cook their breakfast. 

Xiaojun just sulked. He knows that they need to study but he also wants to have his sweet time with his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry." He heard Hendery say and he just rolled his eyes. 

"We barely had our sweet time last week and this is our only chance this week and yet it will be a short time again," Xiaojun said with a pout.

Ten heard everything from his son and Hendery blaming each other. Ten knows that sometimes he steals Hendery away from his son but he can't help but treat Hendery that way. 

Hendery has been by his son's side and he was very grateful. Then one day he just found out that Hendery's presence is a must in their house. Ten doesn't know why he just adores the boy. 

Also, he likes Hendery to stay because it means Xiaojun will be in the house too. He knows that his been overprotective and possessive to Xiaojun but he just doesn't want his son to be away from him, he likes his son to be in his sight twenty-four hours but he knows too that his son has a life outside their house so he just let his son be and just show love his son on every way he knows and it includes treating Hendery nicely.

Kun on the other hand understands his husband because he also loves Xiaojun to that extent. He just supports his son on everything he does and he does his best to guide him.

Kun and Ten love their son too much and they want to protect and love him every second of their lives. 

"Just finish it already so they can already go to the library," Kun said and kiss Ten's right cheek. 

Ten pouts and Kun can't help but laugh. 

"Let them be. Xiaojun will be home don't worry and you can even askey Hendery to eat dinner with us. Right Hendery?"

"Yes. I can stay for dinner." Hendery said.

Ten already smiled while cooking and Xiaojun just listened to their conversation but his heart is happy. 

When Xiaojun and Hendery are already outside, Hendery already squats down and waits for Xiaojun to ride on his back.

Xiaojun smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Hendery's neck. 

"Sorry," Xiaojun said while Hendery's carry him on his back.

"Nah. I love every moment I spend with you and it includes my time inside your house. Also Uncle Ten and Uncle Kun. They gave me extra love and who I am to reject it. It's a blessing." Hendery said. 

"Yeah. It's a blessing." Xiaojun said and leaned his head against Hendery's.

Xiaojun doesn't know what he did in his past life to become so lucky in this life. He was born with everything he needed in this life.

A simple and happy life with his family and a loving best friend and boyfriend. He is always thankful for what he has and he doesn't forget to thank that person who gave it to him.

That person above. The ruler and creator. He will always be thankful to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> This plot has already forgotten but Thank you to WeishenFest for giving me the drive to rewrite it and thank you to the person behind prompt #021! 
> 
> And a special shout out to my beta reader, this fic won't be that beautiful without your help ^
> 
> And btw, let's all be mutuals @gaia_slvrmst  
> Thank you so much guys!


End file.
